For historian Dr Ruth Larsen, uncovering the lives of the mistresses of some of the great country houses of England and Wales for ‘Mistress: A History of Women and their Country Houses‘ was a massive labour of love and a huge undertaking.
Focusing on 18 women from five different centuries, she shows how these women shaped their houses and families, as well as the impact they had on society, culture and politics, in her new book which took over three years to complete.
‘these stories are so important to these houses and their dynasties, but so often told through the male line’
The women featured include Brilliana Harley, who defended her castle at Brampton Bryan, Anne Dormer of Rousham in Oxfordshire, who suffered years of domestic abuse, Frances Boscawen, who oversaw the building of Hatchlands, and Lady Mary Elcho, who preserved her secret life as mistress to Arthur Balfour.
Ruth also explores the women who managed these huge country houses without a man, who set up home with other women, and the changing nature of duty, sex and aristocracy over the centuries. A spicy mix then.
But where to start when there are thousands of examples to choose from and uncover, and how do you whittle them down?
Firstly with Ruth Larsen herself who took over the research from her co-author and fellow historian, Professor Anthony Fletcher, who died sadly, earlier this year, and needed help with revising his findings and crafting them into a book.
‘These power houses only seemed to reflect the men who lived within them, not the women who played such a crucial role in the family and its standing’
Collaborating together until his death, Ruth then took over the mantel, as much in homage to Anthony, to ensure that his years of research didn’t go to waste, as her own wealth of knowledge and fascination on the subject.
As a senior history lecturer at the University of Derby, and an expert on gender and the country house, Ruth was the perfect candidate for the job: “I wanted to bring this cast of women Anthony had identified to publication, and to craft the narrative running through it, because these stories are so important to these houses and their dynasties, but so often told through the male line,” she explains.
When she first began researching the subject 30 years ago, Ruth immediately noticed that even in the guides or tours of these houses the women involved were seldom mentioned. “These power houses only seemed to reflect the men who lived within them, not the women who played such a crucial role in the family and its standing, who were just as integral to the bigger picture,” she says. “So many of these women were key to maintaining these houses.”
And with public interest in stately homes and country houses at an all time high thanks to the likes of Bridgerton, The Forsytes and Downton Abbey, Ruth says that people are increasingly intrigued, visiting them in huge numbers, and curious about what is and isn’t realistic – if that’s what life was actually like in these grand houses.
“Very few of us will ever live in a stately home or country house, which makes these stories very appealing – because so many of the trials and tribulations of these families resemble a soap opera, so that we can all relate to them in some way.
‘I wanted to show that being a Mistress wasn’t just about posh women in beautiful dresses’
“So I wanted to show that being a Mistress wasn’t just about posh women in beautiful dresses, but explore what it was like being a mistress in all its different forms, through a wide range of interests, scenarios, families, political backdrops, wars and experiences,” Ruth explains.
“Some of their stories were really difficult, especially those involving domestic abuse, others heroic and inspiring. But having a wide contrast and variety of women was really important to demonstrate the diversity in the roles these women played in everything from politics to the arts, and in conserving these historically important homes – to demonstrate how different their lives were.”
In fact Ruth’s main problem was who to pick from the rich wealth of diaries, letters and auto-biographies belonging to said Mistresses.
“There were thousands of accounts and individuals we could have focused on, but luckily Anthony had already done so much great research, and made a first draft of their stories, and it was such a wonderful collection because he always had a great eye for a good story,” Ruth explains.
“So I had to really narrow it down and focus on a cross section of different times and personas, some well known, others not, to tell the bigger story of women in history, and a lot of them were very funny, very real and human, you can hear their voices come alive.
“And yes they all desired happiness, but this is also about looking beyond the romanticism surrounding the age to the realities.”
‘what was increasingly evident was that so many women played huge roles in these big houses, and their stories are woven through everything’
And did Ruth feel connected to them while uncovering their stories? “I was working at The British Library when researching Brilliana Harley, who defended her castle at Brampton Bryan, and I could almost feel her pain. She really got to me. That’s never happened before and it was quite something.
“But what was increasingly evident was that so many women played huge roles in these big houses, and their stories are woven through everything.
“In fact it was a real honour to explore the private lives of these women. Their letters were sometimes funny, sometimes heart breaking, but always fascinating.”
Ruth Larsen: Mistress: A History of Women and their Country Houses appears at Oxford Literary Festival on Sunday (March 29) at 2pm, Weston Lecture Theatre https://oxfordliteraryfestival.org/literature-events/2026/march-29/mistress-a-history-of-women-and-their-country-houses
Oxford Literary Festival runs until March 29. Details here https://oxfordliteraryfestival.org
